the truth

What I regret:
Not stopping to talk to Michelle when I saw her at Gavin's school the morning (Tuesday) on the day she took her own life (that evening).

What I'm grateful for:
Going to L.A. when Jason's dad was still lucid/healthy enough to spend time with us and go to Vegas. He went downhill fast and passed away soon after that.

What I regret:
Not visiting my grandmother since I saw her at my wedding, and her never meeting Gavin. She died in January soon after Jason's dad.

What I'm grateful for:
That Gavin is the "minority" in his preschool. Living here is making him a better person.

a three hour tour

Jason called me super excited last Tuesday saying he bought tickets for us to go on a whale watching cruise. Sweet. We were excited for our sheduled weekend activity. And then. An earthquake in Chile. Which  then sparked a tsunami warning for Hawaii- scheduled to hit the islands right about the time the boat was supposed to leave. ah dang.
So, heigh ho heigh ho... its off to work he go(es).

"They" closed down all the beaches, malls close to the water, and a mess of other events to prepare. The island began sounding the emergency alarms at 6:00 am, followed by the blaring of the alarms hourly thereafter. It was kind of exciting. Gomer, Scraps and I held the fort down at home (I live about 2/3 up the way of a volcano, so my house is clear of the tsunami "danger zone". I was watching the news and saw them report on people making way to the grocery stores to stock up on their "emergency supplies" and then they cut to a gas station with a huge line of people waiting to fill up. Seriously? um. gas? Where are you people planning on going? We live on an island, you morons.  It's not like you can pack up your station wagon and drive to your moms house in Indianapolis, idiots.

Anyway, Jason said Navatek called him and said "We've been ordered to go offshore so we will reschedule your cruise for next Saturday". Jason: "Yeah, I know, I was the one who just ordered you offshore".
"Oh... you're Commander Neubauer...." (Hopefully that scores us free drinks of something next Saturday).

Anyway, Jason told me (when he finally got home) that he was dealing with calls from "concerned citizens" all day. They ordered the cruise ship Pride of America offshore and an older (sounding) woman called in a panic "Why did the Coast Guard make our ship go out to sea when there is a tsunami coming??? We are all going to die!!!!"
Jason told her that their ship was located on approximately 6000 feet of sea, and at that depth, the "tsunami" would be a tiny 6 foot blip on the water. She didn't seem to think he knew what he was talking about. "I'm from Oklahoma City and this is not the way I want to die!!!! Why aren't they telling us to put our life jackets on????"

Anyway, the tsunami "hit" the islands and it was very benign (whew) and our whale watching is rescheduled for next week, so we're all cool around these parts, I'm just trying to figure out whats up with all these earthquakes. Who's next? sheesh.

taken to the cleaners

Our gardener Ely came by today, he's very Portugese(?) and has a really thick accent, he also speaks in Hawaiian Pidgin.
As he was raking up the pile of avocado tree leaves we went outside to head out for a rousing game of mini golf and lunch out on the town as a family (without Snax, he stayed home to supervise). As we were shutting the door, Ely flagged Jason down to talk to him (he doesn't seem to ever want to talk to me, hmm... I guess I can see that, I do have a way of intimidating people with my untamed Awesomeness). Anyway, he flagged Jason down and started pitching a scheme to him. Please refer to the "really thick accent" observation stated above. Jason can't understand the dude. And, since I am fluent in Hawaiian Pidgin (oh, you didn't know that? I am. I am just. that. awesome.), I stepped over to act as a translator. Jason was nodding, yet had confusion and fear in his eyes. Ely was pointing down at the driveway/walkway clicking and gobbling.
"Oh, You want to power wash the walkway?" (I'm good at giving Jason the info he needs without making it obvious he has no idea what is being said.)
Ely- nodding profusely, clicking and buzzing.
Me- "How much would you charge for that"
Ely- fie hunnred dolla
Well Jason understood that without me translating. And since he is a nice guy and doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, I saw him working thru his head how to: A. Not have a heart attack and B. Try to explain to the guy that for that price we could go out and buy our own power washer and do it ourselves.
Jason started stammering out "Well, gee... that's a great idea, but gosh. that is a lot of money, and you know, that's more then I can afford right now (internally he's thinking, holy smokes, does this dude think I poop $20 bills?) You know, with the economy and everything......
Ely starts explaining how the power washer takes gas (uh, dude, I'll go down the street to the Shell station and buy you a $3.78 gallon of gas), and blahblahblah.
Jason wasn't getting any of it, he was just looking thoughful and nodding.
Ely: "OK, den I do haf for hunnred and mebe do oderside if i have gas"
(Once again, no translation needed). Jason was all over that. I was a little dissapointed, I wanted to see some haggling a la Pawn Stars, but it didn't happen.
Jason was all for that.
Ely explained he has to power wash the neighbors pool anyway, so he might as well do ours since he was here with the equipment anyway.... Jason didn't get that part because he went skipping into the house to get the checkbook.
sucka

holiday giving

Normally, I'm pretty selfish when I'm buying a gift for Jason.


What's in it for me?
Happy Birthday! I got you a restaurant gift card. Oh, would you like some company whilst dining out? Don't mind if I do!
Merry Christmas! Here is a movie I've always wanted to see that I thought you would also :ahem: enjoy! You're welcome!

So this Valentine's day, I decided to get out of my bubble of selfishness and go all out. Buy something for him and only him.

He wanted to go see the movie Paranormal Activity when it was in the movie theater. I gave it a giant hell no, so we never went. When I went out shopping for him, I noticed that this movie is now available on DVD, hey! I could get him this movie! He will see how truly unselfish this gift from me is (for once). I went over to the New Release movies, and picked it up, turned it over to read the back, from what I've heard, this movie is freaky, get in your head, mess you up scary. Right up Jason's alley. Not so much mine.

As I was reading the reviews on the back of the DVD ("A true horror flick" "Truly freighting") Got the heebie jeebies and I actually said out loud "I don't want this in my house!! (I was by myself)", because I know he'll want me to watch it with him, and I was freaked out just looking at the DVD box.

So I bought him a box of chocolates instead.
And I'm so not selfish I won't even eat all of the caramel ones.
(don't quote me on that).

Satisfaction guaranteed?

So yesterday I was at the NEX refill pharmacy to pick up my pills (second try, I went last Friday, they didn't have them). It is a small (refill only) pharmacy which gets the medications sent over from Tripler so it is refill (not new prescriptions) only. There is only one window/person working. It's very convienent. Anyway, I walk in, see a woman and (what looks like) her teenage son at the window, an older (60's?) man sitting waiting. So I sit next to him to wait my turn. The clerk is helping the woman/boy but is on hold on a phone conversation at the same time. Who ever is on the phone gets back on, and I hear her say a couple words, then she hangs up, looks over to the man sitting next to me and says "Sir, they did not send it here, you can go to Tripler to pick it up, or come back tomorrow after two o'clock to pick it up here". The man's eyeballs look like they are about to bug out of his face. "WHAT?" She repeats what she just said. Obviously this does not compute to the man. She says "Sir, you can go to Tripler today to pick up the prescription, they have it ready for you there, or you can let me know, and I will have them send it over here for you to pick up tomorrow. Which would you prefer?" The man says "I'm not going to F&*(% Tripler. You will GUARANTEE me that it will be here tomorrow?" She says yes, after two o'clock.

"You can GUARANTEE me that it will be here after two tomorrow for pick up? GUARANTEE IT?"

Well I can see her thinking about it (What if a monsoon hits? What if Tripler burns to the ground overnight? What if the medication delivery truck gets hijacked?). She says yes.

"OK, it better be here tomorrow, lady, or I will literally come in here, lay down on the floor. And. Die. I will DIE. Do you want that to happen?"

He storms out.

After he left, the woman/son at the window look back at him and she says "Gosh he was rude. He was rude on the elevator coming up, he was rude in here. He's just rude. I'm sorry you had to deal with that".

Clerk: "Oh, I'm used to it, but I'm not working tomorrow".

I should have gone back to camp out at two with some popcorn and a soda to catch the show.

the new season

And the prize goes to....

Congratulations winners! Please email me your mailing address neubyem@gmail.com or Facebook message me so I can mail you your big winnings.

Until Next time, America!

parade of prizes

Raffle entry now CLOSED for the 2010 Awesome Emi Don't Be A Failure Raffle.

here is what you can win:

Stop Smoking: Stop smoking (cigarettes) and start smoking (fish/meat/vegetables/tofu/etc) with this Emeril Approved Cedar Grilling plank and Hickory Smoker bag.

Get Fit/Lose Weight: Let the Biggest Loser Trainers whip you into shape (Yes,  that is Bob pointing at YOU), with the Biggest Loser Cardio Max DVD.

Get Organized: A box of Space Bags so you can vacuum the space back into your closet. (Family Colors to keep your sweaters apart from the dog's).

Get out of debt: $20 and a book of stamps, to mail your bills (yes, I am aware that your debts probably exceed twenty bucks, but that's what you get, take it or leave it).

Enjoy life/learn something new: You know why you can't enjoy life? It's because you're too stressed out. You need to SHELLAX. Here you go, stress relief in a bottle. Learn how to sit back and enjoy the view.

Spend time with family/help others: Perfect Brownie Pan Set. Spend time as a family baking, and have a bake sale! and donate the proceeds to charity! see! Helping others!

Quit drinking: I replace one addiction (alcohol) with another (Starbucks). $10 Starbucks card.

Since most of you shared your resolutions (or lack thereof), I am totally aware that one person can win up to two prizes. So Good Luck.  Stay tuned for the YouTube Gavin name picking (Maybe during the Superbowl tomorrow, since I am not much of a fan).